Helpless
by azkabcn
Summary: It's Remus and Sirius's first time in Hogsmeade alone. Without James or Peter present, it's time for Remus to realise that yes. His helplessness for Sirius is worth it. One-shot.


**Hey guys! This is technically my first Harry Potter fic that I wrote way earlier this month. This is done as a birthday present for my wonderful girlfriend who I love dearly. She gives me everything that I could ever hope for. I hope you know that you are more than good enough, love, and that this meets your Wolfstar expectations.**

 **Please leave a review to let me know what you thought, guys :)**

* * *

It's just after his sixteenth birthday that we decide to spend a day in Hogsmeade together.

He's the one who suggests it, a week after the first visit of our sixth year. 'You know what, Remus? We should spend the next Hogsmeade visit alone.'

It takes me a while to agree to it, my primary concerns being for that of James and Peter and whether they would mind; we had always spent Hogsmeade visits as a group of four. 'Relax,' says Sirius airily, as we walk towards our Transfiguration lesson from Ancient Runes. 'It'll be fine. Besides, I've come to notice that James has taken a liking to Lily Evans, and I suspect he'll be wanting to spend it with her as much as I with you.'

'But Peter?' I don't know why I protest so much. We both know I am indeed smitten with the man walking alongside me.

'Peter will be spending this next visit with Ellison and Franklin,' replies Sirius, with an air of certainty within his tone.

'Well... okay then,' I say, unable to stop the hint of hesitancy from creeping into the statement.

Sirius beams. He opens his mouth to speak, and then changes his mind a second later. 'I'm glad I was able to change your mind.'

The matter is not spoken of further as we take our seats in front of Professor McGonagall's desk. My mind is whirring at the thought of spending a whole day in the company of my best friend. It's all I can do to focus on the lesson, and not in my heart, as I imagine several days, months, and possibly years in a life of solitude with Sirius Black.

* * *

'Black, Sirius.' McGonagall looks down at her list, checking his name off, before turning to me. 'Lupin, Remus.' She gives me a curt nod and glances sideways, then raises an eyebrow. A question seems to die on her lips. I have no doubt that it is: ' _Where are Pettigrew and Potter?'_ as I'm sure that outside of lessons she has never seen the four of us separately. I stumble back against Sirius under her quizzical gaze and feel his hand on my back, steadying me. I can feel myself flushing with embarrassment.

McGonagall says nothing further as she hurries us along, turning to the person behind us.

We walk along the streets of Hogsmeade silently. I had thought that any silence would pass uncomfortably, but I'm immensely glad to find that it doesn't. A silence with Sirius is far better than not having Sirius at all.

We are huddled together, our winter coats not doing much to provide warmth against the harsh November winds. I push the niggling thought to the back of my mind: _take his hand._

'Should we get a coffee, Moony?' Sirius asks suddenly, as we approach The Three Broomsticks. His hair waves behind him.

I stop. It would be best to get into a place with heat. It would give me an excuse to just sit and think about him. About us. 'Yeah, let's. It's freezing out here.'

We walk into the cafe, the bell overhead ringing. The sudden warmth and smell of hot drinks is extremely welcoming. Sirius heads for a booth at the back, hidden from view from the door, away from the prying eyes of anyone we know. I slip in next to him, facing the back of the café.

After we order our coffees, Sirius turns to me. 'It's nearly time,' he says.

I nod, not saying a word. I know what he's referring to: the full moon.

'This one corresponds with James's Quidditch match. Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw.'

'I know.' I shake my head. The Gryffindor Quidditch team need their Chaser. 'He doesn't have to come. I'll be fine without him for a day.'

'He could join us after his match?' reasons Sirius.

'No. After-match party, remember?' I counter, looking him in his soft grey eyes. 'Gryffindor hasn't lost an official match since 1964. The after-match party is a guarantee at this point.'

'Moony,' he says threateningly.

'Padfoot,' I shoot back at him, wishing he'd stop going on about James.

'You're his best friend, Remus,' he says forcefully. 'If he can't give up a party for his best friend then —'

'It's okay, Pads.' I cut him off, unable to bear listening to him talk about James any longer. 'As long as I have you, it's okay.'

Sirius grins at me. 'You'll always have me. You know that.'

'I...' I stop, looking down at my half-empty mug. _He knows_ , I tell myself. _I'm obvious. If he feels anything like I do, he'll tell me._ 'I know.'

'As your best friend.' He continues as if I hadn't spoken and my heart drops drastically. 'Or whatever else you want me to be.'

I look up at him abruptly. He's smiling softly, his eyes twinkling. 'What?' The word escapes me before I have any real grip on what I'm saying.

'Yeah,' he says gently. 'You heard me.'

'I must be dreaming,' I mutter to myself.

'Come with me.' Sirius stands up and faces me, extending his hand. I look from it to his face, unsure.

'Where are we going?' I ask, not making any effort to move.

'It's started snowing again,' he tells me. I can't be sure but I swear I saw his eyelid drop in a wink.

I slowly take his hand and pull myself up. I reach into my pocket with my free hand and place two Galleons and five Sickles by our mugs, then I let Sirius walk me away.

It has indeed started to snow, and as we walk the streets of Hogsmeade, hand in hand, something springs to mind. 'The other day. When you likened us to James and Lily—' I begin to say.

'You mean when I said, "James has taken a liking to Lily Evans, and I suspect he'll be wanting to spend it with her as much as I with you.", don't you?' says Sirius with a mock-exasperated voice, grinning cheekily, and I turn away to hide my loving smile.

'Yeah. When you said that, I took it to mean that you have taken a "liking" to me as James has to Lily. But surely—'

'Surely I don't feel the way you do?' He looks disbelieving. 'Remus, really? Do you think that we would be walking this way—' (He indicates our entwined fingers) '—if I didn't feel the same way you do?' He hurries on before I can speak. 'Do you think I would compare us to Lily and James, who are evidently heading in the couple direction, if I didn't feel the same as you do?'

He turns and faces me, stopping me in my tracks. I take a moment to note our surroundings: in a field, the pearl white drops of snow falling slowly, gently around us, before pulling my eyes back to his. I'm instantly mesmerized. 'I _do_ feel the same way you do,' he tells me softly.

'Really?' I ask, not quite sure that I'm hearing correctly. Sirius takes my other hand.

'Really.'

'Padfoot, I... I don't know what to say,' I murmur, staring down at our hands.

'Say what I know you've always wanted to say.' He speaks in a hushed whisper, as if concealing the moment in a bubble of privacy, ensuring it stays between us only. I gaze up at his shining eyes, and I can't help but beam.

'I...' The words catch in my throat. Sirius nods encouragingly. 'I love you. I love you, Sirius,' I murmur, my eyes not leaving his. The sheer tenderness of the situation brings tears to my eyes, and I close them for a second to stop them from spilling over.

Sirius caresses my cheeks, the soft smile still in place, and wipes the stray tear away. 'I love you too, Remus Lupin.'

With that, his lips are on mine, soft and slow, and I'm helplessly lost in him, lost in Sirius Black's love for what I hope is to be the first of many times.


End file.
